:(

=(

:(

feel like shit today. was awful. i woke up ill with a sore throat and sore eyes and tummy ache. squeezed lime and drank and sore throat lessened. today was shit lah. just shittiness in general. i didnt keep to my detox diet so maybe that's why my tummy's still upset and my eyes are still bad.

make matters worse i found out on my way home that my car's gonna be sent for scrap at the end of the year. it's not mine personally. it's the family car. but... i HATE having to have it sent for scrap! the last car we had was sent for scrap too, cos the bloody governement wont renew the COE for the car!!

and the worst thing about the car incident was when i was asking my dad to take out a 10year COE for the next car, and renew it another 10years after that. since he's buying a new car, might as well get one that will stay with us. and you know what he says? he goes "but models change lah. besides, you've had 7 cars before this what? what's the big deal?"

i was horrified to hear him say that. i mean, the car's part of the family! i might as well say "oh, i'm tired of my mom. let's go out and get a new model."

and then when i said that i got a lecture about how nothing stays the same and we need to let go and all. and YES, i am letting go. i have no bloody choice, do i? the present car's COE is expiring, and it's going to be sent for scrap whether i like it or not.

but that doesnt mean it always has to be that way. like, why cant he understand how important things like cars and houses and stuff are? you know he wanted to sell off the house and move, just 6 years after we mnoved in so we can make a profit? like, what the crap?!? he made me give up my bloody HOME to move here, and now after only 6 years here he wants me to rob me of my home AGAIN?

i love this place! i love the walls, i love the paint job, i spent ages getting it right. i love looking out my window and seeing the block in front of mine. i love sitting here on my bed by the aircon typing on my lappy. how can he not think it impirtant at all? can he not understand how much i love them all?

these things are a part of my LIFE for goodness sake! and i love them! they are part of me, and i am commited to them as they are to me. they've never let my down. how can i repay them bu just whimsically throwing them out?

it's not that i cant let go. if needs must then so be it. i will say my goodbyes and move on. but to just *whimsically* discard what we have, or replace what we have? how would YOU feel if one day your parents or your spouse or your kids decide to replace you, on a whim, just like that, for no other reason than that they want to. and feel throughly nonchalant about throwing you out. how would you like that?