hey, yall.

am tired and aching after yesterday's dance practice. wah, buay tahan. i came back late, past eleven, and i was so tired i stopped by Mac's for takeout and ate on the way back.

pretty embaressing actually. i was so short of breath after the practice, and walking so slowly... like an invalid. oh dear. i really dont feel like continuing with dance if that's the way it's going to go from now on. i mean, i want to, but i'm not sure i can take it. i'm almost positive it's not good for my body.

my body's pretty wierd. you know on nip/tuck and Oprah and stuff, people talk about not liking their bodies, and wanting to change the way they look and stuff? you know, bigger boobs, flatter tummy, less lines, shapelier hips, toned calves, that sort of thing.

well, i'd like to change something about my body too, and it's not my appearance. i love my appearance. i love the way i look most of the time, even the queer stuff about me. i'm a bit cross eyed, but i think minor cross-eyedness is kinda cute. i have a mole on my face, but it's pretty and unique. i have an elephant's butt, and yeah, it's inconvenient to shop for skirts cos most local girls are built like planks and the shops cater to them, but it's fun to have a figure when your friends dont. ;P

but i have a lot of problems with my body. my bone structure is a bit off, so there are some things i cant do with my legs. i cant hold them flat against my chest, not cos i'm not flexible enough but cos i can literally feel the bones grining into each other.

and i've twisted both my ankles before, so they're bent slightly out of position, and sometimes my right ankle gives me problems simply beause it's out of position when i'm at rest. either way, my ankles dont support me well, and i get really terrible foot cramps really easily.

i will gladly work to build my stamina, and my flexibility, but i do worry what my dance is doing to my body. i'm not sure if it's good for me. i know if i talk it over with my massage therapist she'll advice against continuing, but honestly, i love malay dance. if only i could learn it at my own pace, i dont mind if i cant perform, i just want to learn it.